King of Thieves Page 2
STRINGER
Is that a functional weapon, ma’am?
MYRNA
(holding up the pieces) Not at the moment. (smiling) It’s just an old keepsake. I clean it weekly. Out of respect.
STRINGER
Do you have bullets for it?
MYRNA
There are probably some around.
STRINGER
Can I have them?
MYRNA
Why? Are you worried I might shoot you?
STRINGER
I just want the bullets, okay?
MYRNA
You look tired. Why don’t you go inside and have a nap?
STRINGER
I don’t nap on duty, ma’am.
MYRNA
Well, why don’t you go inside anyway? The way you’re standing there makes me feel kinda uneasy. It’s like you’re guarding me or something.
STRINGER
I am guarding you.
MYRNA
You’re supposed to be protecting me. There’s a difference, you know. Did your boss tell you I might try to run?
STRINGER
I don’t talk about what my boss says to me, ma’am.
MYRNA
I think you should make an exception. Did he tell you to take my bullets? Did he tell you I might shoot you? Did he tell you I was an untrustworthy old hag who shoulda stayed in the gutter?
PEACHUM enters in shirt sleeves.
MYRNA
I want him to go inside.
PEACHUM
(to STRINGER) She’s embarrassed because you’re so close to her. She has a condition. She looks almost perfect from a distance, but, if you get too near her, you can tell she has these little bumps all over her skin.
MYRNA
He thinks I might try to escape.
PEACHUM
(to STRINGER) Escape to where? She has no friends, and all our money has been seized. So unless you’ve become transfixed by my wife’s intoxicating beauty …
STRINGER
I’ll be in the next room … (to MYRNA) But I won’t be napping. And I expect to receive that ammunition by end of day.
STRINGER leaves.
MYRNA
Tight-assed prick. Only way he gets any of my bullets is if I put a few of them in his head. Can’t you convince them it’s not necessary for him to be here?
PEACHUM
I’ll see what I can do.
PEACHUM finishes assembling the pistol with blinding efficiency.
MYRNA
What you said before about our money being seized.
PEACHUM
Just what they could find.
MYRNA
So we’ll be okay no matter what happens?
PEACHUM
Depends on what you mean by “okay.”
MYRNA
I mean not poor. What the hell else would I mean?
PEACHUM
Well, there’s some chance we might be dead. I’m going to help them bring down some very important people. So the thing is, the feds might have to hide us away for a while.
MYRNA
And in what kind of place would we be hiding, dearest?
PEACHUM
If you mean will you have all your current amenities, I can’t guarantee that.
MYRNA
Remember who you’re talking to. I lived most of my life without any friggin’ amenities. But I’ll need a certain amount of comfort. I like the look of those new trailer parks. They can put us in one of those. As long as we’ve got enough socked away so I won’t have to –
PEACHUM
You’ll never have to take your clothes off for money again. Unless you get the urge. Do you ever get that urge? I mean to be onstage with dozens of men looking at you? And wanting so badly to –
MYRNA
Careful now, you’re getting all worked up. I told you, there’ll be no hanky-panky until you have that heart test. And don’t you start drinking behind my back again either. You do that, your liver’s gonna explode and you’ll be stone cold dead in less than a minute. You’ve been told that by half a dozen doctors.
PEACHUM
But never with so much sensitivity.
MYRNA
All that hard living you did when you were younger has taken its toll. You’re not the man you were.
PEACHUM
I know. The man I was would have escaped this trap. That fed scooped me up like I was a dying carp.
MYRNA
So do what he wants, and we’ll get on with our lives.
PEACHUM
Not so easy, my sweet. He wants me to come up with a scheme to lure some very clever men to their destruction.
MYRNA
You’re pretty clever yourself.
PEACHUM
I think I need Mac.
MYRNA
Mac? Now, why would he work with you after what you tried to do to him?
PEACHUM
I’m sure he’s realized that was just a father’s rage.
MYRNA
Well, just keep the bastard away from me or I might damage that pretty face of his. He tricked our daughter into marrying him, I’m sure of it. Somehow he got that dear, sweet girl to become the wife of the most despicable criminal alive.
PEACHUM
Is that what you think he is?
MYRNA
That’s what everyone thinks he is.
PEACHUM
(sadly) Really. People used to think I was the most despicable criminal alive.
MYRNA
Well, these things ebb and flow. Mac’s just had a lot of publicity lately.
She hugs him. He hugs her back, tightly. Grabs her rear. Snuggles her breasts.
MYRNA
I told you that’s not gonna happen.
PEACHUM
But I’m kinda down in the dumps, sweetness. And it might give me a lift.
MYRNA
(grabbing his crotch) Feels like it already has. Okay. But just a quick one.
They kiss. Passionately.
Blackout.
SCENE 5
The Bluebird Club. VINNIE is complaining to POLLY about how much he has to pay to the local don for protection. PORK is drinking with a drunken SOCIALITE while IVES looks on.
VINNIE
Thirty percent. That’s a ten percent increase. I told him I couldn’t survive it, but he doesn’t give a shit. And what’s it for? I still got coppers busting me twice a month. You think Mac could have a word?
POLLY
No. Mac won’t get involved in any of that nonsense you Italians do to each other.
VINNIE
But he kinda owes me … The reason that fat-assed Gaspardi’s being so unreasonable is because I get my booze from Mac and not him. Look, I know they got a few joint ventures goin’, so just a word or two might –
POLLY
I’ll put it to him, but like I said –
JENNY comes running in.
JENNY
They got Mac!
POLLY
(standing) They shot him?
JENNY
No, they took him. We were outside talking and … all of a sudden they just jumped him, threw him in a car, and took off.
PORK and IVES rush over.
IVES
(leaving) What kind of car …
JENNY
Black.
PORK
Black. Yeah, that helps. Jesus … (to IVES) Let’s go …
PORK and IVES hurry off. POLLY has been staring at JENNY. JENNY just now notices.
JENNY
What?
POLLY
(approaching) Just like that, eh? They just appeared outta nowhere and took him …
JENNY
Yeah …
POLLY
That means they must have been waiting.
JENNY
No, I told you they just pulled up …
POLLY
No, they’d be waiting. Waiting for you to bring him out.
JENNY
I think you better watch what you’re saying …
POLLY
(getting close to her) How much they pay you?
JENNY
I told you to watch –
POLLY
(closer) What do they want with him?
JENNY
I don’t know what you’re talking about. So back off before I –
POLLY
(very, very close) If they hurt him, you’re dead. You got that, you pathetic slut? I’ll find you and slit your friggin’ throat!
POLLY pushes JENNY hard. JENNY crashes into the table and falls. POLLY hurries out.
JENNY
You think you scare me, little girl? You think you’re any match for me?!
Blackout.
SCENE 6
The PEACHUM garden. MYRNA is cleaning a shotgun. POLLY is pacing.
MYRNA
That’s just terrible. And God only knows what they’ll do to him.
POLLY
I need Daddy’s help.
MYRNA
Well, that’s a change in attitude. The last time you were here, you told him to go rot in hell.
POLLY
I’d just found out he’d arranged to have my husband put in jail.
MYRNA
Well, he’d just found out the bastard was your husband. Besides, that was mostly Jenny’s doing.
POLLY
Something she denies.
MYRNA
She denies flying into a jealous rage when she found out he married you? Please. Anyway, who you gonna believe, that little tramp or your own mother?
POLLY
I guess I’ll just flip a coin … So where is he?
MYRNA
Who?
POLLY
Daddy. Who else?
MYRNA
I thought you might be implying I know where Mac is.
POLLY
Do you?
MYRNA
No. And I resent the question.
POLLY
How about Daddy?
MYRNA
I’m sure he’d resent the question too. Have you been to the police?
POLLY
Why the hell would I go to the police?
MYRNA
Maybe it’s them who took Mac.
POLLY
And why would they ask Jenny to help them do it?
MYRNA
Because she’s done it before, like I tried to tell you.
POLLY
It’s more likely she got paid to help someone he’s in competition with take him.
MYRNA
Except a snatch is usually a street-punk thing and, according to you, Mac doesn’t operate on that level anymore. He’s advanced to – what did you call it – “trading” things. What kind of things you never mentioned.
POLLY
Valuable things …
MYRNA
And that’s all you’ll tell me about it. You don’t trust your own mother?
POLLY
Well, maybe if you weren’t married to my father.
MYRNA
Your father wouldn’t have any interest in hearing the details of Mac’s goings-on. He’s legit now and doing very well, as you can tell by our surroundings.
POLLY
So what’s the scattergun for?
MYRNA
Well, the more you have, the more you stand to lose. There are thieves everywhere in this city.
POLLY
Most of them trained by you and your husband.
MYRNA
And many of them resentful of our success. Especially your husband.
POLLY
Mac’s already got the only thing worth taking from you. Me.
MYRNA
And we’re very happy for you both. Your father was saying just the other day it was probably time to mend fences with Mac.
POLLY
Because?
MYRNA
Well, we’d like to see you more often for one thing. And the truth is, no matter how sour things turned between them, your father always had a soft spot for Mac –
POLLY
Yeah well, then maybe he’ll help me find out where he is.
MYRNA
I’m sure he will … if he can. Now, can we talk about something more pleasant than your husband’s mysterious disappearance for a while?
POLLY
Kidnapping, Momma. My husband has been kidnapped … and you want to talk about something more … pleasant?!
MYRNA
Well, only to keep your mind off it.
POLLY
I don’t want to keep my mind off it. (leaving) Just tell Daddy what’s happened and that I need his help.
MYRNA
And I’m sure he’ll be glad to hear that. (yelling after her) That you need his help, I mean! He’ll be glad to hear that! (to hersel f) Not that your bastard husband might be lying in a ditch with his heart cut out.
She continues to clean the shotgun.
SCENE 7
A bag on his head, under a bare light bulb, MAC is tied to a chair in a warehouse.
MAC
If I was an introspective man, I’d be taking time now to reflect upon my life, all my accomplishments, my many loves, the charming idiosyncrasies of my dearest friends … trying to give it all some meaning, trying to soothe myself and prepare to meet my possible death with courage and good grace … But since I’m not an introspective man … I’ll just spend the time thinking up a way to escape and get my revenge.
Footsteps on the hard floor. Two people approach. PEACHUM and STRINGER walk into the light and head towards MAC.
MAC
Ah, at last. Some company.
PEACHUM
(to STRINGER) What did I tell you? The man does not scare easily.
MAC
Peachum, you conniving old bastard. You couldn’t find another way to tell me you’ve missed me? Who’s this?
PEACHUM
His name is Stringer.
MAC
He looks like a fed.
PEACHUM
He is.
MAC
And he’s a friend of yours?
PEACHUM
Not exactly.
MAC
Not exactly … meaning?
STRINGER
Not at all.
PEACHUM
(undoing rope) Don’t blame Jenny for this, by the way. She had no choice.
MAC
Well, she could’ve given up her life for me. There was a time she would have done that.
PEACHUM
No, there wasn’t.
MAC
Yeah, you’re probably right. So what is it you want from me?
STRINGER
We have a proposition for you.
MAC
A proposition involving him? (to PEACHUM) Doesn’t he know how much we dislike each other?
PEACHUM
He doesn’t care.
MAC
Interesting. By the way, aren’t you going to ask how your daughter is?
PEACHUM
Well, since you know what will happen if you don’t, I assume you’re taking very good care of her.
STRINGER
Can we get to it now?
PEACHUM
Go ahead …
STRINGER
Well, first things first. When I start to talk, I don’t want to be interrupted.
MAC
Well, that’s gonna be hard if you keep saying things like that. (to PEACHUM) A lot of these bureau guys think they’re God or something. Have you noticed that?
PEACHUM
It’s only recently that I started spending time with them.
MAC
They’ve got something on you, eh?
PEACHUM
Yeah, I’m afraid they do.
MAC
And there’s no way out?
PEACHUM
None that I could come up with.
MAC
(to STRINGER) Okay, then I’m i
n.
STRINGER
Just like that. Without hearing what it is?
MAC
Hey, we’re family. If he needs my help … You seem kinda disappointed.
STRINGER
I was hoping I’d get to beat you a little before you agreed.
MAC
(to PEACHUM) You hear that? He wanted to torture me.
STRINGER
No. Torture isn’t sanctioned. Who said anything about torture?
PEACHUM
You did.
STRINGER
I said I would have liked to beat him. There’s a difference.
MAC
What is it?
STRINGER
I’d have to show you. And I can’t …
MAC
Because it’s not sanctioned?
STRINGER
Not at the moment, no.
PEACHUM and MAC just share a look.
Blackout.
SCENE 8
POLLY and MAC’s bedroom. POLLY is on the edge of the bed, head bowed. She is crying. MAC enters quietly, looks at her.
MAC
Why so sad?
POLLY
(looking up) Oh, thank God … (running to him) Are you all right? Did they hurt you? Who were they? Do you want to go back and murder them all? Or have you already done that? If you didn’t, can we go do that together right now?
MAC
Well, maybe we should –
POLLY
No, no, I want to kill whoever did this to you. (kissing him) I was so scared I’d lost you. Because there are so many people who’d like to see you dead, aren’t there? I mean when you think about it. So, so many … So are they dead? Or should we go take care of that?
MAC
I thought maybe we could eat something first.
POLLY
No. Kill now. Eat later. Come on … (starting of f) What are you waiting for? Let’s go!
MAC
(grabbing her) You really do care for me, don’t you? I mean your feelings for me are actually quite …
POLLY
Genuine? Yes. You didn’t know that?
MAC
Well, I wasn’t absolutely sure until I saw how upset you were … And then when you said you wanted us to do some killing together … well, that’s a special kind of love. When a man feels that he’s loved like that, he wants to put in extra effort. You know, to make sure he actually deserves it.
He kisses her.
POLLY
You going to do that now? Put in extra effort?
MAC
Yeah …
POLLY
And then we can go kill whoever was responsible for making me so afraid you were dead?
MAC
Sure. If you’re still in the mood after I tell you who it was.
They kiss. This one is much longer, more passionate.