King of Thieves Read online

  For Susan

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  FIRST PRODUCTION NOTES

  ARTISTIC CREDITS

  SETTING

  SCENE 1 • SCENE 2 • SCENE 3

  SCENE 4 • SCENE 5 • SCENE 6

  SCENE 7 • SCENE 8 • SCENE 9

  SCENE 10 • SCENE 11 • SCENE 12

  SCENE 13 • SCENE 14 • SCENE 15

  SCENE 16 • SCENE 17 • SCENE 18

  SCENE 19 • SCENE 20 • SCENE 21

  SCENE 22 • SCENE 23 • SCENE 24

  SCENE 25 • SCENE 26 • SCENE 27

  SCENE 28 • SCENE 29

  Also by George F. Walker

  About Talonbooks

  Copyright Information

  FIRST PRODUCTION NOTES

  King of Thieves was first performed at the Stratford Festival Studio Theatre August 12 to September 10, 2010, with the following cast:

  CAST

  MAC: Evan Buliung

  POLLY: Laura Condlin

  PORK: Oliver Becker

  PEACHUM: Jay Brazeau

  MYRNA: Nora McLellan

  BROWN: Nigel Bennett

  STRINGER: Paul Fauteux

  JENNY: Stephanie Roth

  TINA: Mary Antonini

  IVES: Cyrus Lane

  VINNIE: Seán Cullen

  CHRISTIE: Trent Pardy

  GREEN: Shane Carty

  MERCER: Sandy Winsby

  HALLIWELL: Scott A. Hurst

  Waiters, Beggars, and other roles: Richard Lee, Jennifer Patterson, Jay T. Schramek

  ARTISTIC CREDITS

  DIRECTOR: Jennifer Tarver

  DESIGNER: Peter Hartwell

  LIGHTING DESIGNER: Michael Walton

  SOUND DESIGNER: Thomas Ryder Payne

  DRAMATURGE: Bob White

  MOVEMENT: Kate Alton

  FIGHT CAPTAIN: Richard Lee

  MOVEMENT CAPTAIN: Mary Antonini

  FIREARMS ADVISOR: Daniel Levinson

  FIGHT DIRECTOR: Todd Campbell

  ASSISTANT FIGHT DIRECTOR: Michael Dufays

  ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Ravi Jain

  ASSISTANT DESIGNER: A.W. Nadine Grant (Ian and Molly Lindsay Young Design Fellow)

  ASSISTANT LIGHTING DESIGNER: Tristan Tidswell

  STAGE MANAGER: Anne Murphy

  ASSISTANT STAGE MANAGER: Emma Laird

  APPRENTICE STAGE MANAGER: Elizabeth McDermott

  PRODUCTION STAGE MANAGER: Marylu Moyer

  MUSICAL DIRECTOR: John Roby

  MUSICAL STAGING: Tracey Flye

  ASSOCIATE MUSICAL DIRECTOR: Laura Burton

  MUSICAL ASSISTANT: Britta Johnson

  PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Jessica Stinson

  SETTING

  New York City. Fall of 1928.

  PEOPLE

  MAC: a thief

  POLLY: his wife, also a thief

  PORK: one of his crew

  PEACHUM: a fence

  MYRNA: his wife, also a fence

  BROWN: FBI supervisor

  STRINGER: FBI agent

  JENNY: a singer, and a thief

  TINA: a singer, and a thief

  IVES: Pinkerton agent

  VINNIE: speakeasy owner

  CHRISTIE: a beggar

  GREEN: a banker

  MERCER: a banker

  HALLIWELL: a banker

  And a number of Waiters, Beggars, a Socialite, an Innocent Civilian, and two Federal Agents

  SCENE 1

  The hall of a large house belonging to GREEN, the banker. MAC, eating sunflower seeds and reading from a pamphlet, waits while his henchman, PORK, nervously prepares to cut a canvas out of a frame he is holding.

  MAC

  This guy lived most of his life in poverty …

  PORK

  Well, he sure made a killing at some point. Look at all the stuff in here.

  MAC

  Not the owner of the house. The painter. Tuberculosis, cataracts, wife died, son killed in the war … and the few paintings he sold, he sold for pennies … He croaks and, two years later, they’re going for thousands.

  PORK is about to start cutting.

  MAC

  Slowly, slowly … it’s not much good to us if you carve it up.

  PORK

  I’m a little nervous. Maybe you should do it.

  MAC

  If I keep doing it, how you ever gonna learn? You want to be a snatch-and-grab artist your whole life?

  PORK

  It’s what I’m good at.

  MAC

  If you’re so good at it, how come you spent most of the past ten years in the slammer? (gestures to painting) Just be patient. If you butcher it, the master of the house isn’t gonna want it back.

  PORK

  That’s the plan? You’re gonna try to sell it back to him?

  MAC

  Guys who owns houses like this, they love their art, especially if it’s from Europe. They probably love it more than they love their kids.

  PORK

  Or I guess we’d be stealing their kids.

  MAC

  If we were the kind of people who stole kids … which we’re not. (hears something) Shhhh … What was –

  PORK reaches inside his coat, reveals a gun. MAC shakes his head. PORK drops his hand, leaving the gun in his jacket.

  IVES

  (from the darkness) Okay … stop right there … and just stay … very still. (approaches while holding his own gun) You. Drop the knife and step away from the painting.

  PORK looks at MAC. MAC just smiles and steps a little towards IVES.

  MAC

  He can’t do that.

  IVES

  Why not?

  MAC

  He’s not finished yet.

  PORK

  You want me to drop him?

  MAC

  Not yet …

  IVES

  Hey, if anybody’s gonna be dropping people here, pal … You think I don’t know how to use this thing or something?

  MAC

  No. If Pinkerton agents know anything, they know how to shoot people.

  PORK

  One of them shot my brother for no reason.

  MAC

  Well, he was beating the crap out of someone at the time.

  PORK

  Yeah, a goddamn strikebreaker.

  MAC

  Right. Yeah … (to IVES) He means for no good reason.

  IVES

  (to PORK) I told you to step away from that painting.

  MAC

  Look, I need to ask you a question. Do you have a family … people who need your financial support?

  IVES

  Yeah, my mother. What of it?

  MAC

  Well, who’s gonna take care of her if you’re not around?

  IVES

  You keep talking like I’m the one in danger here.

  MAC

  And you should probably start asking yourself why that is. (nods at PORK)

  PORK shows IVES the gun in his jacket.

  MAC

  Now, you gonna let us finish our work here … and offer you a tidy sum to let us be on our way, or do you want to play this thing out to its conclusion?

  IVES

  When you say … “a tidy sum,” what would you have in mind?

  MAC nods to PORK. PORK continues cutting.

  MAC

  Well, that’s something to be negotiated … (smiling and approaching IVES) You’re a good man, aren’t you? I mean you consider yourself to be a good man.

  IVES

  Well, I –

  MAC

  The point is, don’t let this change that opinion of yourself. Morality is just something that got made up to stop everyone from getting their fair share.

  PORK

&n
bsp; (rolling up the canvas) Done …

  MAC

  Okay, then. Let’s go. It’s time to celebrate.

  MAC puts arm around IVES.

  IVES

  You celebrate every time you steal something?

  MAC

  No. Just whenever we make a new friend.

  They all leave.

  Blackout.

  SCENE 2

  1928. A federal office in New York City. BROWN moves about confidently. PEACHUM watches apprehensively.

  BROWN

  … There’s a level of theft that is hard to imagine let alone police. And the truth is, there aren’t many police officers who couldn’t be bought off in the blink of an eye by the people who perpetrate those thefts. It’s not that cops are all dishonest, they’re just human. And if one of these thieving bastards said something to them like “Here’s the deed to an island in the Caribbean. It’s all yours … plus a yearly stipend of, say, two hundred grand. Now get lost and leave me alone” – could they turn that down?

  PEACHUM

  I don’t see that as a possibility, no.

  BROWN

  So obviously we can’t turn to the police in this situation, can we? By the way, did you know there was a time when there weren’t any policemen?

  PEACHUM

  Well, back when there was no law, sure.

  BROWN

  There was plenty of law. I’m talking just a couple hundred years ago … There were courts, magistrates, prisons, executioners … in short, a justice system. A raggedy-ass, brutally indifferent one, but a system nevertheless … just no real cops. And do you know who was largely responsible for turning the criminals over to this system? Other criminals.

  PEACHUM

  Really. They turned in their own kind?

  BROWN

  Well, it made a certain kind of sense. First of all, there were rewards …

  PEACHUM

  Yeah. It’d be a way of getting rid of the competition, wouldn’t it?

  BROWN

  You learn fast, just like I thought. And that’s why you’re the criminal I came to.

  PEACHUM

  Except the truth is, I’ve never actually been convicted of anything.

  BROWN

  But the actual truth is much more complicated. Your so-called legitimate business, your calling card into the world of the unimaginably wealthy, was built on the foundations of a criminal empire of low-life theft, bootlegging, and other and varied forms of illegality.

  PEACHUM

  This might be the right time for me to ask for a lawyer.

  BROWN

  Then it’s also the time for me to tell you we’ve spent nine months gathering enough evidence to put you away for twenty years. Which is what I intend to do unless you co-operate.

  PEACHUM

  Unless you might be interested in an island yourself. You know the kind you referred to earlier. Plus that yearly … bonus. Is that something you could get intrigued by? Is that another way we can go with this?

  BROWN

  No. Sorry.

  PEACHUM

  Are you sure? You know, having that kind of luxury, maybe some people think, “Who needs all that, that’s too much” … but when they actually get it, then it’s a different thing altogether. Then they think, “Who can live without this?” I’m offering you something that would make life worth living.

  BROWN

  Let me offer you something instead. You see, I can make sure that you’re sent to the kind of prison that will devour you and spit you out as an entirely new kind of animal … Not a human being, more like a ground-sniffing rodent … So what I’m offering is an option that will keep you out of that kind of prison. Are you interested in that option?

  PEACHUM

  Well, if it came to that …

  BROWN

  (handing him a file) Here. It’s your file.

  PEACHUM

  (flipping through) It’s very big.

  BROWN

  Well, you’ve been a busy fellow … So here’s the thing. Your rich pals, all those bankers and businessmen you know … they’ve ignored the rules of fair play and the need for a reasonable distribution of wealth by taking more than they had any right to and placing it beyond the reach of everyone else. That is, in their own pockets …

  PEACHUM

  So you’re saying they broke the law, and you want me to help you prove it.

  BROWN

  The law doesn’t care nearly enough about what they did in that regard. In fact, much of the law was designed to help them do it. But they’re planning something very dangerous, and we have to get to them before they carry it off.

  PEACHUM

  And this very dangerous thing is?

  BROWN

  Something too preposterously evil and complex for you to understand.

  PEACHUM

  Give me a chance. It sounds terrific.

  BROWN

  No, all I need you to do is introduce them to another part of the law, the one that concerns your other social circle … the thieves and whoremongers that made you a wealthy man.

  PEACHUM

  If by “whoremonger” you mean “pimp” … I have known some of them, but I myself was never in that line of work.

  BROWN

  (pointing to the file) Pages 12 through 15.

  PEACHUM

  (as he flips through) Okay, this is all based on the word of one very nasty woman who as well as being a prostitute was also for a time my mistress and is still obviously bitter about being left for –

  BROWN

  Left for the other embittered prostitute referred to on page 15? … End of the page. (looking over PEACHUM ’s shoulder) “He hired every girl he could find. Twenty, thirty of us working out of my fourth-floor walk-up and another ten or so in a place across the street. And a lot of those girls worked as pickpockets too. Peachum trained them himself.”

  PEACHUM

  I gave them a skill that’d be useful to them in their old age. I guess I’ll get no credit for that, though, will I?

  BROWN

  Well, it won’t keep you out of that prison we were talking about. Look, it’s simple. All I want you to do is drag your rich friends down into your criminal world and keep them there for a while.

  PEACHUM

  And how am I supposed to do that?

  BROWN

  By offering to make them even richer.

  PEACHUM

  They don’t need to be any richer. They’ve all got more money than God.

  BROWN

  They don’t want to have more money than God. They only want to have more money than each other.

  Blackout.

  SCENE 3

  The Bluebird Club. MAC, his wife POLLY, and MAC’s associates PORK and IVES all sit at a table. VINNIE, owner of the speakeasy, approaches their table. JENNY is at the microphone.

  VINNIE

  How are we doing tonight, folks?

  PORK

  My steak was overcooked. How many times have I told your cook not to overdo my goddamn steak?

  VINNIE

  And how many times have I told you not to bother my goddamn cook? (to MAC) He’s in there all the time giving instructions … like he knows shit about food.

  PORK

  I know when it’s no good. And in here, that’s what it usually is.

  VINNIE

  Mac, can you help me out with this guy?

  MAC

  (to PORK) Stay out of his kitchen. And stop insulting him and his staff. He’s been a loyal customer.

  PORK

  And we’ve been good suppliers. So I don’t see why I should have to –

  MAC

  Because I ask, okay. And I ask for so little.

  MAC nods to VINNIE. JENNY approaches just as VINNIE turns to leave.

  JENNY

  (to VINNIE) So what did you think?

  VINNIE

  (passing by) You were great.

  IVES

  (in love) Yes. Great.
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  JENNY

  (they’ve never met) Thanks.

  IVES

  Absolutely … great.

  PORK

  Yeah. Thanks. And what about you, Mac? What did you think?

  POLLY

  He was probably wondering why all your songs were about being a whore.

  JENNY

  Because I was singing about you, honey.

  POLLY goes to get up. MAC grabs her arm.

  MAC

  (to JENNY) Maybe you should apologize for that.

  JENNY

  Maybe she should learn not to offer an opinion unless it’s asked for.

  POLLY

  (smiling) She’s right. It was rude. (to JENNY) I’m very sorry, Jenny.

  JENNY

  Then so am I. So, Mac … how did I sound? I was kinda nervous on account of being off the stage for almost a year … recovering.

  POLLY

  You were ill? I thought you’d just gone on a long vacation.

  JENNY

  No. I had an accident … (to PORK) Some slob pushed me out of a moving car. Messed me up pretty good.

  MAC

  Yeah well, you’re back now. So don’t be living in the past and you’ll be okay.

  PORK

  He’s giving you solid advice there, Jenny. If I was you, I’d take it.

  JENNY

  And if I was you, I’d slit my wrists.

  PORK

  Hey, watch your mouth. That thing happened to you because of your act of betrayal. If that judge wasn’t in Mac’s pocket, he’d still be in the cooler. So you should just forget all about that incident with the moving car … which was hardly moving at all, by the way.

  JENNY

  Yeah? Well, I got a “by the way” myself. I didn’t betray no one. People were given the wrong information about me. Mac, can I have a word? (smiling at POLLY) Strictly business, Polly.

  POLLY

  What kind of business?

  JENNY

  Well, none of your business for one thing.

  MAC

  Jenny.

  POLLY

  No, she’s right. What you do or don’t do with her is none of my concern. Give her a quick tumble, pat her on the head, throw her in the garbage … all the same to me.

  JENNY

  Aren’t you a sweetie?

  JENNY leads MAC away. PORK is looking at POLLY.

  POLLY

  No reason not to be polite. At least up to the moment when I cut the little slut’s throat.

  Blackout.

  SCENE 4

  The PEACHUM garden. MYRNA is cleaning a disassembled and very old pistol. Agent STRINGER stands nearby.